Where are you?

When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is...how can I seem so---perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay?

I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.

Teardrops slowly fall from my eyes as I look to the sky, and I question how come life keeps passing me right on by. I just wonder why I can't escape, is this my fate? To always be unhappy and how much longer must I wait...

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.

I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

I don't deserve you...I never did.